Breakthrough

I sigh even thinking about writing this entry because I wish I could just say it and not try and figure out how to word it...so the sigh is not because I am frustrated by what I am going to say, (okay a little frustrated that I have lived this way for so long)...now I am just confusing you, here goes:
I had a wonderful conversation with a lady the other day and the synopsis is 1) she exhorted me and allowed the Holy Spirit to use her to help bring conviction and healing to my life 2) I feel free and less stressed than I have for some time.
Okay onto the shortened version of what happened: Basically we were talking about health issues and how sometimes they are a result of living with emotional and physical stress. I shared with her how Adam has helped me chill out a lot in life, even though I still have a long way to go. I told her how I often worry in the name of "responsibility". She shared how she had often taken responsibility for things that were not her responsibility and how God showed her that and that it was trying to play God, which is idolatry, and that she needed to repent of it. She then gently, yet directly, told me that she felt God was telling her that I do that too. Oh, how right she was! She challenged me to ask God to show me the root of that and/or when that all started...it was when I was 2 1/2 years old and decided to be a second mom to my brother (and later on my sisters) but the issue is that even if my intentions were good, no one asked me to do that or expected me too. As I started to make a list of all the things that I feel or act responsible for, but am not, I saw many reasons why I get stressed. God showed me that I am responsible for some things obviously, and I am responsible to pray...but not carry the weight of those things or try and play the Holy Spirit and convict others of things, tell them what to do, etc. Basically it comes down to a trusting God issue. To all of you whom I have done this to, I am deeply sorry. I have repented to the Lord, and am apologizing to those He brings to mind. Please let me know if you feel I owe you a personal apologize too. I feel sad I have done this, but so hopeful and free to not live this way from here on out, with His help. I need to trust God and not interfere when I feel like He isn't moving fast enough or doing what I think He or others should.
All this to say, my prayer for all of us is for Healing and Freedom....healing and freedom to be who God wants us to be, not who we think we should be, free from pressures that others or we put on ourselves that aren't our responsibility. Freedom to handle the responsibility He's given us with dignity, strength, and grace....free to trust His goodness, wisdom, and ways; as the holidays approach I will repeat a phrase my sister-in-law spoke over me last year that resonated deep within my heart, "Could it be that what God wants most this Christmas is healed relationships?" (I may not be quoting Jody word for word, but it was something close to that) The Holy Spirit used that phrase to bring healing to my mother-in-law and my relationship last year. I pray that we would all draw close to the Lord this holiday season and ask Him to help us have the courage to see our weak spots, and allow His Spirit to convict us so we can grow and be healthier and best minister to those around us.
So, thank you Jan for being a part of the breakthrough in my life as of late.
Walking in newfound freedom,
Katie
Psalm 119:45