Starting to see...

I feel like I am starting, just starting to wake up; starting to really see. God has and is using the ideas from "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp, along with His Word, Holy Spirit, and circumstances to help show me that He is all around...yes, my head knew that, but my heart didn't really get it. I am starting to see Him, His love, in the most surprising places...Pam lent me her new camera, not just any camera, but THE CAMERA, the Nikon D90, this is the camera I have been wanting. It was fun to play around with it. I take a picture out the window on a raining, dreary, cold Saturday afternoon. Click, a nice photo, out our window:


Then later I edit it... wait! I almost missed it, I crop, I zoom in- there it is, I almost missed it...



A cross....the cross. It was right there and I had never seen it there before. A subtle, yet strong reminder of grace. Why hadn't I seen it before? No matter, now I see it. GRACE.
The children and I return down the dirt road that leads to home a few weeks ago. The dirt road, bumpy- the day full, we are tired; and then, here comes the leaves...falling, swirling, floating, dancing from above and on top of our van and we laugh and gasp...He is sending down leaves on us- covering us with love; we delight, we smile...what a surprise. Before I would have missed it, but His Spirit quickened my heart- these leaves were not just leaves, but love. All around reminders of the depth of His love. How much have I missed? What matters is now. Taking account now- keep counting; all around in grace, love.

Even in the lump...
Lump of dough.
Lump of flesh.

Today- holy....a holy lump. Learning to live with open hands. It is "easy" when the leaves dance down, but what about when the pain comes up? When the doctor says "there is a lump here and we need to check it out". Really God, is this a test? A test to see if I'll keep the hands open in trust? Or will I shake the fists, or clench them in control, or hold them half open, reluctantly? Or will I keep them open- letting you give and take and thanking You in it all. Will I try and be numb and hurry along, or will I slow and feel deep and dance clumsy and keep standing- leaning on Your everlasting arms? Yes, somehow, I will thank You for the lump.
Today I discovered that the lump is just how You made me. How fitting- after hearing Kristien C. talk at the Women's Banquet about being made wonderfully complex. You knew what You were doing, didn't You? You knew somehow this lump would be used for Your glory; keeping me close, bringing others closer.
#148 somehow thank You for the lump
Isaiah 64:8 "But now, O LORD, Thou art our Father, we are the clay, and Thou our potter; and all of us are the work of Thy hand."

#155 banner over the table where I ate lunch at Panera today..."Baked Fresh Today"- hands shown, forming around dough. That's You God, you bake grace afresh each day (no matter the outcome...today it was a favorable, wonderful outcome- a cause to celebrate...but regardless of the news (good or hard), we give thanks- we acknowledge You). You form each day. Thank You for daily bread; for making us, for forming us, for being so much more than we know, yet so very near.
Psalm 139:16 "Thine eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in Thy book they were all written, the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them."