Pregnant?

Ha ha, thought that would get your attention:)...no, I am not pregnant in the normal way, but I feel pregnant emotionally as we wait for our adopted child. No, I am not having morning sickness or buying maternity clothes or anything, (in fact just gave away my last tub of those comfy clothes) but def. feeling more sensitive, feeling a bit lost, wanting to nest, and struggling some with the many things that are out of my control...all familiar "pregnancy type" feelings.
We know that God has a baby in mind for us and us for them...but sometimes it feels very far away. I feel like I am pregnant, yet not showing and not knowing my due date (will it be soon, a long ways off, or in between). Thank you to all those who ask how we are doing and how the adoption process is going- there is not much to report, so sometimes that is hard, but asking means a lot; validating the coming arrival of our baby. I have much more empathy for moms who have walked this road before me; it is bittersweet and mysterious, wonderful and challenging all mixed together.
A dear friend sent me some "Adoptive Families" magazines and they were great and helped me realize that instead of suppressing the excitement I am feeling (in an effort to protect myself) I need to move forward and start preparing for the baby, which will help me prepare emotionally for this coming transition. So, I went through baby clothes and pulled out our gender neutral stuff, realized we need to get a infant car seat and infant jogger stroller too. Although we don't know the timing, I think these steps will help me to exercise faith and belief in what God is going to do. Had a great talk with my friend Kris- she was so encouraging and pointed out where I had let the enemy lie to me. No longer! I am going to start acting pregnant (not gaining weight) but nesting and prayerfully preparing for this little one and allowing God to peel back another layer of my heart- reading a good book called, "From Orphan to Heir"; thanks Jan.
Thanks for your support and prayers...the journey continues.